Pacman Jones is certainly one of the more colorful characters to play in the AFC North, finding a second home in Cincinnati with the Bengals. The man has a good heart—he adopted the children of former teammate Chris Henry after his passing. And he has a funny way of displaying his intelligence, though for questionable reasons.
Recently appearing on a talk show on Tubi that Deion Sanders for some reason has called We Got Time Today, Jones revealed that he was a urine test ace. Not because he was clean, but because the urine he used was. In a no-win situation—“I’m all for the weed”, he told Sanders—he employed the Kobayashi Maru tactic.
“I cheated the program,”, Pacman Jones told Sanders about his many, many urine tests. “I was really good. People don’t know how smart I am, but like, I can say it now. I don’t play no more. But I’ve never used my piss for a piss test. Not one time. Not one time”.
Jones was in the NFL’s drug program multiple times over the course of his career. In the program, the league can randomly test a player up to twice per week—no matter where they are in the world and at any time. Sanders insisted that it’s no longer possible to evade detection because “they go in there and watch you pull it out”. In 2005, one NFL player was caught using an…attachment aimed at simulating the item being pulled out. The item in question, of course, contained “clean” urine.
“It can happen if you know what you’re doing. Don’t say it can’t happen”, Pacman Jones insisted. He repeatedly attempted to explain how “you still can get them”, but Sanders cut him off. He mentioned something about the cup that they supply you with but was allowed to go no further.
Jones was drafted sixth overall in 2005 and played until 2018. He played the bulk of his career with the Cincinnati Bengals after numerous incidents, some with the law, in previous stops. On multiple occasions, he missed an entire season because of his behavior, including 2007 due to violations of the NFL’s personal conduct policy.
Since Jones last played, the NFL has greatly loosened its “weed” regulations. But he insists that he would be prepared to beat a test anyway. In fact, at this point, it’s hard to even enter the drug program because the NFL tests so infrequently. Basically, as long as you’re clean for a short period of time for the year, you’re free to indulge otherwise.
While current players can’t express it publicly, many retired players, including former Steelers S Ryan Clark, have basically said that marijuana use is rampant in the NFL. Clark actually said it while he was still on the Steelers (though not for long). As Pacman Jones said, “They’re giving guys opiates, pain pills, muscle relaxers”. Many players use it for pain management. Former Steelers OG David DeCastro just opened up a new business.
And, yes, I considered and researched many variations of the word “whiz” before settling on that one for the title.
