There are few dalliances more enjoyable than writing about your favorite team and mostly unhealthy addiction following two of the most concurrently disappointing losses in modern franchise history.
Perhaps a few things more pleasant come to mind. Like 18 Kindergarteners suddenly discovering their teacher twitches amusingly when they drag their fingernails across the chalkboard.
Or when the boss sends out an email announcing a special morning meeting and encourages everyone to bring an empty box from home.
The only thing more disturbing than the supposedly playoff-bound Steelers dropping two losses in the same week against two 2-10 teams…is that we aren’t that surprised.
We literally forecasted it would be cloudy with a probability of meatballs.
To make it through this onerous task of composing something quasi-intelligible while much preferring to run semi-clad through the evening streets shouting curses at the wintery moon, I’m going to have to play some cool jazz at full volume.
I’m spinning ‘Round About Midnight, Miles Davis’s first album with Columbia in 1957. It seems the song, crafted brilliantly sublime by Thelonious Monk provides the ultimate ambiance and central theme of the Pittsburgh Steelers these days.
The mood is dark, smoky, and it’s getting late. How much more can we take?
So, with apologies in advance, as this is noticeably being written in E-flat minor, let’s give it a Spin.
Miles To Go Before I Sleep
Miles created the best-selling jazz album of all time called Kind Of Blue, and it boasts what’s considered to be the greatest jazz sextet of all time. It features Davis on trumpet, the incomparable John Coltrane and Julian “Cannonball” Adderly on saxophones, Bill Evans on the tickling ivories, the great Paul Chambers on bass, and the legendary Jimmy Cobb on drums.
When this band broke up in the 60’s some questioned whether Miles’ career was done. How could it ever get better than this?
Yet, Miles answered the question emphatically by forming arguably as good a band featuring composing genius Wayne Shorter on saxophone, Herbie Hancock on piano, Ron Carter on bass, and Tony Williams on drums.
Each of these musicians went on to revolutionize the jazz, fusion, and pre-hip hop scene in unimaginable ways. Talk about a coaching tree!
The point is, that players and band leaders change. Just when you think it can’t get any better, something new comes around, and you realize all that you were missing.
With the Steelers, the biggest question is, “Who is Miles?”
Is the Rooney family Miles? Should they consider building a completely new band? Or is Miles head coach Mike Tomlin who perhaps should retool his entire coaching staff along with many of his players?
Or maybe the team is merely slightly out of tune. Just requiring a tweaking of the strings.
The evidence of the past decade counters the “slightly out of tune” theory rather emphatically. It’s time to realize this team has been systematically engineered year after year to be ever so predictably “slightly above average.”
It’s why when the national media parrots squawk with wonder and amazement that Tomlin has never had a losing season, the entirety of Steelers Nation lets out a discernible sigh of disdain.
Pennies In The Mason Jar
You know that Steelers Nation is reaching the depths of despair when the only chant they have left in their arsenal is “Mason, Mason, Mason.”
It used to be “Kenny, Kenny, Kenny” that quarterback Mitch Trubisky grew accustomed to hearing, but with the young starter on the shelf for a few weeks, the backup to the backup quarterback suddenly became the most popular player in town.
It’s not a great state of affairs for this once proud franchise to have their last hope of revival come from a quarterback whom they have so fervently booed in the past.
Yet, it brings up the question, “Why not Mason Rudolph?” What has Trubisky ever shown in any of his games played that would have the Steelers’ intelligentsia concluding that Mason is a surefire step-down?
Kenny Pickett hasn’t played much better this season than Trubisky performed against the New England Patriots, but at least he didn’t gift-wrap the football so generously to opposing defenses.
The National Football League is a feast-or-famine sport. Those on rosters determined to be at least slightly superior get nearly all the snaps in practice and all of the opportunities during games.
If there is a player on the roster who deserves a chance to get the reps in practice and to play under the lights, it’s Mason Rudolph. He might not be much better than Mitch, but he couldn’t be much worse.
Let’s put some pennies in the Mason jar. He’s consistently been one of the good guys on this team.
Media Relations
Since I’m suffering from bouts of depression fluctuating from mild to extreme as a result of being fanboy obligated to witness every play of those back-to-back recent historic flops, I might as well get the most out of this written catharsis.
I’m heading toward my 50th anniversary of being a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I’m also coming up on my 10th anniversary of being a scribe for this beloved worldwide online site. It’s due to this latter accomplishment that I must inform the proprietor of such an acclaimed publication that my gift expectations are nothing short of something that keeps perfect time, looks golden on my wrist, and is of the finest Swiss quality.
Though many would argue my contributions to this acclaimed football site are complete drivel, there remains a small cadre of supporters who consider the Spin to be an art form. During this time of service to my Steelers Nation, I have compiled as many words as a long-form historical novel. (I know those word counts, you have read my books, correct?)
Despite bleeding my aching heart on these digital pages week after week, season after season, I have yet to receive a single whisper of correspondence from anyone in the Steelers organization. Not a soul has been stirring in the public relations office, not even a mouse.
Not a note offering press passes to a game nearby, not even a gift of a Cam Heyward bobblehead for Christmas as a small token of appreciation. Not even an anonymous letter with crudely cut-out letters from a magazine that spell out, “Eat Glass Moron.”
Nothing. Completely ghosted.
When I am not performing my chief occupation of pontificating on the Pittsburgh Steelers, I have this little side gig of owning a marketing agency for more than 25 years, so I can professionally proclaim, “Poorly played, Steelers PR office. Poorly played.”
This isn’t leaving me sad and disillusioned. Rather, it’s somewhat enlightening of what the organization thinks about fan-centered media. If they can’t control the message, it doesn’t exist.
Still, I remain proud to be a card-holding member of the free press even though I don’t get any exclusive access, lunch buffets, red carpets, or Steelers schwag.
Although that Cam Heyward bobblehead would be awfully slick.
Please Stop Talking
The worst part of misery abounding with your football team is it’s often accompanied by the most meaningless tripe of analysis as to why everyone is so miserable.
Who knows why it was necessary to give every fool a microphone?
The most braindead hot takes are those commenting about the continued struggles of the Steelers’ offense even after the departure of their offensive coordinator. “This proves Matt Canada wasn’t the problem,” they say as if they just solved the theory of relativity.
Please stop talking. Just. Please.
There is truth in that Matt Canada wasn’t the real problem. The real problem was Tomlin, who, on some torrid 3 a.m. Texas Hold ‘Em poker bender went all in on keeping Canada well past his expiration date. Just as everyone predicted but Tomlin, the offense went completely bust this year.
But let’s be clear. The damage caused by having inadequate leadership and vision on the offensive side for so many years will leave scars well beyond this season.
If you really thought that getting a new “play caller” during the games would make much of a difference, you really need to turn off that microphone.
Just. Please. Stop.
Winston Churchill
It seems remarkable that we are shoveling dirt on a coffin of a season where our team still boasts a winning record and a quite legitimate pathway to still making it to the playoffs.
You can hear the pounding from inside, “Hey…hello…we’re still in here, alive and kicking, little help.”
It’s just that after seven years without a playoff win it’s extraordinarily difficult not to already give up on this movie. Haven’t we seen how this ends, time after time, already?
There has been an unprecedented amount of bridge jumping by Steelers fans who are utterly fed up with the mediocrity that’s been served in the team cafeteria for so long.
My favorite typical exit interview goes something like…”I’ve been a fan of this team since the ’60s, but now…(fill in the appropriate resignation from fandom notice)”.
Hold on, Steelers Nation!
We must heed the words of the great Winston Churchill, who led his nation through the darkest of times.
Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never.
Steelers Nation. In times like these, we truly show who we are. Are we not the best in the world? The champions?
Sure, it’s ‘Round Midnight around here. Dark, smoky, and downright depressing. But the sun will come out tomorrow. That’s what Annie promised, and I believe her.
