Whelp.
So…a horse walks into the bar and the bartender says to him, “Hey buddy, what’s with the long face?”
The horse nods in gratitude to the pint of beer slid over to him across the marble counter and responds, “You think my face is long and sad looking, you ought to see those poor saps from Steeler Nation.”
That’s right. The supply of anti-depressants in the ‘Burgh took a major hit as one of the biggest flops of a debut in Steelers…and even Hollywood…history occurred when Pittsburgh got pick axed and mule kicked by the visiting San Francisco 49ers.
Usually, we try not to dwell so much on the grim past, but we’re still in catharsis mode. We need to get this cleared out of our system.
None of us should be roaming around singing vibrant versions of The Who’s “We Won’t Be Fooled Again,” because we’ve been jacked up so many times with false hopes the last decade that we wouldn’t be able to honestly hold that tune.
No, the season isn’t over. But it’s also not too premature to declare the Pittsburgh Steelers preseason was just one Big Tease.
What am I supposed to do with this $10,000 worth of Super Bowl tickets? Do you think the bank will let me have my house mortgage back?
Don’t worry. We understand it’s only one game out of a long season.
But, with our many visits to the vomitorium during that 30-7 loss to San Francisco, we have a right to be bitter.
Even so, let’s give it a Spin.
Comfortably Numb
Let’s be honest. We’ve kept our expectations low the past few years just to preserve our personal sanity. We have become comfortably numb to avoid having to call in sick at work three days in a row because our team depressed us so much. Expectations in the cellar, cynicism at all-time highs…that’s what the doctor ordered.
Unfortunately, this year, I foolishly dumped gallons of the preseason Kool Aid down my gullet, and the pain is palpable once again.
In Defense Of The Indefensible
Everyone’s favorite scapegoat (insert name of current offensive coordinator) is taking most of the hits from the Steelers unfaithful this week, and this unfortunate soul is also being lambasted as incompetent by every living, breathing football pundit.
The Steelers offense had so many three-and-outs and plays for the losses that their total distance gained deep into the first half amounted to one yard. That’s a mere three feet. Or 36 inches for those of you desperate to make it sound like more.
As bad as that was, however, let’s not let the defense off the hook for its proper portion of the blame. How many times did those players fail to perform on third downs themselves when they had legitimate chances to get the team back into this game?
And special teams? Yeah…let’s not go there.
Helplessness was a total team effort by the Steelers.
Jimmy’s Evaluation
During all the pregame hype on Fox NFL Sunday, NFL Hall of Fame Coach Jimmy Johnson was asked to share his thoughts regarding Coach Mike Tomlin’s unblemished streak of non-losing seasons.
After a brief, uncomfortable pause, Johnson indicated in no uncertain terms that great coaches win championships. Realizing instantly this response lacked enthusiasm, Johnson whiffed again by saying, “And Tomlin is on his way.”
The media raves about non-losing seasons, but Johnson’s comments probably reveal what most top coaches believe.
How Did You Describe Them?
Speaking of pregame hype, Tomlin was interviewed live before the game by Jay Glazer and he was asked why he thought this 2023 team was more special than many others he had coached.
Tomlin didn’t flinch. “They are not afraid to fight,” he said. “They don’t run away from hard times, they run to it.”
Nothing like having your players promptly go out and back up your words.
Off Tackle
With many touting this year as one of the best NFL drafts for the Steelers in a decade, the team responded by having most of its top picks watch primarily from the sidelines.
Highly acclaimed new left tackle Broderick Jones only got a few scraps of plays at the end.
This, despite the fact he looked like a grown man throughout most of the preseason. How could he not be an upgrade over Dan Moore Jr. from day one? Why not let him get on-the-job training? It’s not like Offensive Coordinator Matt Canada has more than five plays for him to learn.
No surprise. Moore gave up nine pressures, six hurries, two quarterback hits and a sack.
Against The Grain
The 49ers game certainly wasn’t Patrick Peterson’s favorite as a pro. After predicting his preeminence over his opponents before the game…he ended up getting postered by these affronted receivers throughout most of the dreadful day.
Already, his detractors are saying the Steelers brought in yet another “washed up” player to finish off their career with little tread left on their tires.
However, I’m going to go against the grain on this one. Sure, Peterson didn’t make the plays necessary to back up his pre-game smack, but for the most part he was consistently just a few inches shy of making big plays.
It was much more bad luck than bad player.
He’d didn’t become a multiple All-Pro and Pro Bowl player without knowing how to bounce back after tough games. He is not as fast as he was as a rookie at the NFL Combine when he shocked timekeepers, but he remains one of the faster players on the field and his size, his smarts and his experience won’t fade.
Don’t worry about Peterson. He’ll be regarded as one of the Steelers’ most significant additions when this season draws to a close.
Captain Watt
Probably the only Pittsburgh Steeler who could legitimately claim he had an excellent game was All-World T.J. Watt. Go ahead and give him three more sacks to his total allowing him to join James Harrison as the team’s all-time career sack leader with 80.5.
The remarkable thing is that Watt accomplished this in half of the games it took Harrison to get to the top.
Of course, health is always the guardian of NFL records. But barring any major setbacks, Watt is on a direct path to compiling the statistical evidence needed to prove he’s the NFL’s best ever at rushing the quarterback.
However, Watt also has a critical role as captain of the Steelers. The team’s defense was getting absolutely trounced, so was it the best leadership example to be doing exotic sack celebrations while his defense was getting embarrassed?
Wouldn’t we give grief to an offensive player doing a fancy pants touchdown dance in the end zone while their team was down by four scores in the fourth quarter?
Mean Joe Greene once famously bounced his helmet around the walls of the locker room after a team loss because he didn’t feel his teammates were expressing appropriate disappointment. That set the tone and the bar.
Maybe this is being unnecessarily nitpicky, but now that Cameron Heyward is going to be out of the lineup for many weeks, Watt’s leadership will be more important than ever.
The Biggest Loser
Pittsburgh’s players, coaches…and heck…the entire organization participated in one of the biggest letdowns in recent Steelers history.
However, none of them were close to being the biggest loser.
The hometown fans win that prize in record fashion. That was an absolute embarrassment to see that many 49ers jerseys in the stands.
Steeler Nation boasts to be the greatest fan base in the world of ANY sport. Having 49ers fans loudly serenading their team in Acrisure Stadium was by far the greatest disgrace of the evening.
I once attended a Monday Night Football game at the old Candlestick Park in San Francisco, and we had close to as many Steelers fans at that game as we just witnessed at last week’s home game.
There is a LONG waiting list for Steelers season tickets. If you can’t fill your seats each week with someone wearing Black and Gold then it’s time for you to pass them on to real fans.
Cleveland Recovery Center
After refusing to stop the run against San Francisco, the Steelers are about to be visited by a Cleveland Browns team fully capable of running Pittsburgh deep into the ground.
There is no question this Browns game means more to the season’s standings than last week’s game, so a win would provide some much-needed salving of wounds.
Yet, if the Steelers stumble in their second home game of the season against the division-rival Brownies and end up 0-2 to start the season, they might have a difficult time convincing fans this won’t be just another year of mediocrity.
Whatever was missing last week, must be found. And fast.
There is plenty of talent in the Steelers’ locker room, and there isn’t much room for excuses. This is on the coaching staff to show they are going to be up to the task this year.
Call me irresponsible, but I believe the Steelers will take this opportunity to demonstrate last week was an anomaly and not an indicator of future performance.
Tease me once. Shame on you. Tease me twice and then…heck…I’m still your huckleberry. What else is a Steelers fan to do?
