If the National Football League was actually an honorable business, the Pittsburgh Steelers would have been issuing refunds and apologies to their customers, AKA all of the poor sap Black and Gold fans who showed up again in force to take over yet another enemy stadium only to have their souls crushed.
The Houston Texans were 3-13-1 last season which included a season ticket holder VIP treatment of an 0-7 record at home.
Which meant they had Coach Mike Tomlin and his staff exactly where they wanted them as Texans rookie Head Coach DeMeco Ryans and his coordinators outwitted, outsmarted, and outlasted their visiting counterparts.
So much for the value of experience in the NFL.
In a horror movie, rerun so many times over the past decade, the Pittsburgh Steelers made Hall of Famers out of a very mediocre group of Texans, a unit that hadn’t looked this good since the Alamo.
Has Steelers Nation ever been less excited about playing a game against the Baltimore Ravens? (if you haven’t heard, that game is this Sunday.)
This is the ultimate no-win situation.
If the Steelers pull off a Tomlin-esque win out of the ashes of despair, it will mean he’ll step to the podium, reassure all fans with Shakespearean prose they should stick to being fat, sassy, and spoiled like Falstaff and leave all the grown-up decisions to him.
Then with the cameras rolling he’ll spike the football alongside the Rooney family by giving a four-year contract extension to Offensive Coordinator Matt Canada.
That could happen.
However, as genuine card-carrying fans we must begrudgingly admit this outcome would be far superior to the probable one, which is the Ravens will take the baton from the Texans and start beating the Steelers like the piñata they were last week.
I suppose morale will improve as soon as the beatings commence.
Which bad flip of the coin will it be? Let’s give it a spin.
David Bowie Has Left The Building
Right after the Houston Texans debacle, Tomlin walked up to the podium and answered a question about whether we should expect changes to the dismal status quo.
“Hell yeah there are going to be changes.”
Immediately after that comment a team of citizen volunteers rushed over to Steelers headquarters offering to assist with boxing up Matt Canada’s office belongings, but apparently that wasn’t the kind of change Tomlin had in mind.
Ch…ch…ch…changes. We don’t need no stinkin’ changes.
Instead, Tomlin announced the “big change” was that the Steelers would practice in full pads.
Also, there would only be one cherry served instead of the normal two on the hot fudge sundaes in the lunch room, cold tubs would start having actual cubes of ice in them, and players could no longer play Call Of Duty during halftime of the games.
Also, coaching film study would be extended from a minimum of 30 minutes to one hour per week, and in the case of Matt Canada, he would no longer be able to substitute South Park episodes in lieu of actual NFL game film.
Players Coach?
I think everyone would agree, Tomlin is an absolute rock star when it comes to collegiate prospects and NFL players seeking out new places of employment.
Few team leaders in the history of the sport have ever been more appreciated and genuinely celebrated as a players coach than Pittsburgh’s head coach. Everyone wants to play for Coach Mike Tomlin.
Which is why his approach to Matt Canada, and frankly Randy Fichtner before him, has been utterly baffling.
Literally, you would have to go back to Todd Haley in 2017 to mark the last time the Steelers had a genuine NFL-grade offensive coordinator. Haley might not have ever been nominated Mr. Congeniality, but he knew how to design and build a competitive professional offense.
This means for the past six years, Tomlin has settled on having basically collegiate-level coaching on the offensive side of the ball.
How can you say you value your players’ safety when you put them at genuine risk on the field by expecting them to run plays and schemes duct taped together by someone who is well over his head?
How can you be considered a players coach if you would sacrifice their careers and ability to earn for their families by providing such overmatched leadership?
Do you think Canada’s offense is improving the market value of Najee Harris, George Pickens, Pat Freiermuth, Kenny Pickett or any of the offensive linemen?
In listening to the announcers calling the Texans game they kept referring to how “loyal” Tomlin is as a coach.
Who exactly is he loyal to? Certainly not to the fans. Can you say his lack of courage and capability when it comes to handling coaches is an expression of loyalty to his players?
Sure doesn’t seem that way.
The Bus
I think Tomlin was expressing real anger by emotionally blurting that changes were coming. It’s just that his anger obviously wasn’t directed at himself or his beleaguered coaches.
Rather, it seemed to be landing squarely on the shoulders of his players.
The reason the team was going to be practicing in pads on Wednesday? That’s because Tomlin determined the Texans were playing harder than his Steelers players.
Whose to blame for the team’s poor performance? I guess the answer is the players.
Now we just need to get them out from under the bus so they can get to practice.
The Bear Story
Did you hear this one yet?
Matt Canada and Defensive Coordinator Teryl Austin were out walking the woods.
They heard a noise and Canada suddenly froze and grabbed Austin by the arm.
“Do you think it could be a bear? Because this bear of public scrutiny by Steelers Nation is devouring me. Do you know how fast bears are? I don’t think I can outrun this bear.”
Then he glanced at Austin’s eyes and saw nothing but calm which made Canada angry.
“Why aren’t you frightened by the bear?” Canada said. “Your defense is playing terrible. It’s ranked even lower than my offense. Do you think you can outrun this bear?”
Austin smiled. “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you.”
Margin
This is such a strange moment to be writing about the Steelers. At 2-2, there is plenty of time to get this ship in shape and heading out to much more promising waters.
The problem is, we’ve been taking this boat ride for many years now, and you’ll have to excuse us for our bad case of seasickness.
Even though they are at the .500 point (imagine that?) the team is playing much worse than their record reflects. The Steelers are currently ranked 29th in total offense and 30th in total defense.
Performing awfully has been a total team effort.
You could excuse away the San Francisco 49ers’ debacle due to the quality of the opponent, but their ain’t any excuses for what just happened deep in the heart of Texas.
If you’re any student of recent Steelers history, you would be foolish to write off this team. They’ll bounce back. Maybe even in dramatic fashion against the Ravens on Sunday. That’s the Tomlin way.
The problem for this team, as it has been for many years, is that it lacks “Margin”. You’ve got to have Margin in order to make it far, and potentially all of the way, through the playoffs.
Every year there are Cinderella stories, where teams find their groove at the end of the season, barely get into the playoffs and then surprise somewhat once in there.
However, if you look at the Super Bowl Champions of the last 30 years, the glass slipper story doesn’t really exist.
These ultimate winners are teams that primarily dominated their opponents during the season.
In the NFL, with 32 teams vying to be the best, you need Margin to get far.
This is because bad things happen in the NFL. You get terrible calls from the officials. You have unfortunate injuries at inopportune times. And with only sixty minutes of actual game play, these matches aren’t really THAT long. Get off to a slow start and you lose a game you shouldn’t.
If you don’t have enough Margin to overcome this, and something bad happens during the playoffs, it’s bright season over.
This is why you need Margin.
Remember those dominant New England Patriots days when Tom Brady would be standing back in the pocket totally unpressured, and calmly surveying the field for-ever! That was Margin.
Do you recall the Dallas Cowboys of the early 1990’s where their offensive line was so utterly dominant the holes they would open could literally fit four Emmitt Smiths, arm in arm, running side by side, as they danced with Hula Hoops. That was Margin.
And just like the Steelers great defense of the 2000’s where no one could run on them. Teams would just flat out quit trying to get past Casey Hampton. Offenses could never run out the clock against the Steelers on the ground, and they were forced to pass even when they didn’t want to. That was game altering, cushion producing, Margin.
The Steelers haven’t have Margin for many years which is why they haven’t been able to be competitive (and sometimes even make it) in the playoffs. Even with the impressive edge rush Pittsburgh has today, this is squandered by the fact receivers are running through the secondary wide open.
Turning the season around is inspirational. Having an entire career of non-losing seasons is extremely impressive. It is.
But until the Steelers get to a place where they have developed true Margin, their season-by-season ceilings will continue be low.
Y’All Ready For This?
Beating the Ravens this weekend before a national audience will salve a lot of the team’s wounds.
Even though it would be bandages on broken bones, it would be most welcome as this year has been hard to watch.
Even so, it’s hard to get fired up for this one. Even if it is the Ravens.
I know. For a Steelers fan to admit this, that’s utter blasphemy. Someone rip this Remington typewriter out of my hands.
Yet, somehow, someway, we’ve got to get our game face on. We as Steelers Nation have to show up for this game, and big time.
Fortunately for me, I believe I’ve cracked the code of my misery. I pretty much have fixed my attitude and performance completely.
I wrote this whole article in full pads.
