I love the Pittsburgh Steelers. But I also love to read about why they suck. For the roughly billionth season in a row, Deadspin’s Drew Magary has his Why Your Team Sucks list. And Pittsburgh isn’t spared. So if you have a sense of humor and can poke fun at your own team, here’s a link to the entire article. And some of my favorite jabs below.
The two losses to Jacksonville.
“Oh, and I also remember that this team got their asses waxed at home by Jacksonville. Twice. Not only that, the Jags beat the Steelers by playing STILLER FOOTBAW in both those games, running the ball and pounding the opposing offense into oblivion…No team, not even the Patriots, got clowned harder at the end of last season:”
How dysfunctional a somehow competent team performs.
“I have no idea how this team manages to make the playoffs on a consistent basis when NO ONE in Pittsburgh is ever on the same page. They employ the only military veteran in the NFL and somehow managed to strand him out on an island when they stayed back in the locker room for the anthem. The quarterback hated the offensive coordinator. The receivers hated each other. The front office hates the running back. EVERYONE hates the quarterback.”
And Big Ben personally choosing his own offensive coordinator.
“Randy Fichtner looks like the guy Haley got INTO the bar fight with. He looks like one of those dudes who has little gun stickers on the back of his truck instead of little family stickers…Haley may be gone but I can promise you the Steelers will still call the exact wrong play every fourth down.”
Hear it from Steelers’ fans.
“I can’t get over my suspicion that Antonio Brown will end up as the best Steelers player never to win a Super Bowl with Pittsburgh.”
“Put them in a 1:00pm game against a 2-7 opponent, and they will lose in an embarrassing fashion.”
“In advance for what was, surely, going to be an epic AFC Championship between the Steelers and the Patriots, the Steelers’ Facebook page decided to troll Belichick by posting a video of the Steelers beating him in the playoffs. Unfortunately, they had to dig deep into the archives for when the Steelers beat Belichick’s Browns in 1995.”
My submission? This guy HAS to be the doctor who vets all the tight end’s medical reports. There’s no other explanation.